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To My Son - Your Gift To Me

One of my favorite things to do is to sing you to sleep. Which is ironic because I’m a pretty terrible singer. I readily acknowledge it, and besides my Britney Spears stage when I was 6 years old, I can’t think of a single time when I willingly sang for someone. Of course there’s dashboard singing and college karaoke nights, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about singing TO someone. Not just singing along, but singing to help someone feel a certain way. Singing a song meant for them.

I remember being nervous the first time I started singing to you. You were tired, and as a result a little fussy. I began to sing “You Are My Sunshine” with the worry that my out of tune voice might make you cry more. But it didn’t. You began to calm down, and I continued to sing.

Now, every night as part of your bedtime routine I sing to you. I sing everything from my college’s fight song, to lullabies, to random country lyrics I’ve had stuck in my head. But my favorite thing is to sing church songs. I love singing the songs I learned when I was in primary. A current favorite that I’ve sang the past several nights is “Heavenly Father Loves Me.

The Primary songs are hard because they have a lot of high notes I can’t really reach. Yet in spite of me falling flat (literally), you still nuzzle in close, and your eyelids go heavy. I can’t tell you how it warms me the way my voice soothes you. The way you accept it, and love it despite it being off key. I think in many ways I love singing you to sleep because you’ve allowed me to feel good about something I haven’t felt good about in 21 years. For the first time in a long time I’ve been able to sing to someone without embarrassment or fear. All judgement is removed. I’ve been able to sing whole heartedly, and watch as it calms and lulls you. Thank you. Thank you for giving me this gift.



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